Time Goes By

Sometimes I forget I have this thing.

So, a lot of stuff has gone by since I updated just a while back. If I were amazing, I'd list it in chronological order.


I started working out with Nathaniel recently. It's good because it gives an ironclad reason to see him regularly. Small problem. Or problems... One, I hate looking weak or anything in front of him, and I'm pretty out of shape. Then again, he knows all about my...shape, lol. There's nothing we haven't seen of each other. Anyway, second problem--gym clothes. Yeah, they're kind of revealing in a certain area when one stretches out, for instance, when we do the different kinds of ab workouts. I can get a glimpse of something I want so bad I can taste it, literally.

Anyway, in better news, I love my job. It has its dull moments, but I really do like it. Apparently, as of today I'm being trained to be able to do anything in the store at all. I was taught a few things today which only the owners and Jon know. So basically, if they're not in the store, like on Saturdays, I could run everything.

So, I'm sure there are many more things I could talk about. But I won't. Mainly because I'm a horrible typer.

And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going

It's amazing how much we can delude ourselves into believing we're actually over somebody, only to have reality come crashing down over our wall of delusions. I thought I was over Nathaniel, but then I saw him at Rayn on Friday, and just the idea that he was flirting with Chris and had obviously driven him, therefore making it easy to just drive him home made me really want a drink. So I had one, and danced some more. And then I was told by Evan that I'm great, but he doesn't like me. Great night altogether.

Job Success

So, I just got notice that I got the job I wanted! Hopefully they start me next week, because I've been sitting around, bored out of my life!!! YES!

Picking Myself Up

So, I don't think I'm going to beat myself up for being so melodramatic and depressed last night. I mean, I think one night of crying after being told he's not interested in you is allowed. So, today, I had a little trouble getting going. I had emailed my gal-pal about the whole thing last night, where I actually didn't cry. But I read her response and wrote back today, and then the tears fell. I cried for like, 10 minutes before I decided I definitely could not just sit around in a pity party, though that would be so self-indulgent.

So, I went to the apartment gym and spun for 30 minutes. Then I did a little stair stepping, nothing hard this morning. Then pool. Then shopping! Nothing is better than going around and finding incredibly cute things, and even buying some of them. I spent $240 today which felt amazing, and got some great things for the summer! Then I went and had a real workout with Kevin as my own personal trainer. It was kinda cool, him doing a set, and my copying it on a lower weight. He was pretty surprised at what I could bench my first time.

After, we went back to his place. I got a smoothie, and a tuna wrap that was wonderful. Then we sat around and talked. He asked about Nathaniel and I told him what was going on. He said that sucks, but that I shouldn't give up because he may very well decide that letting me go was a mistake. So, I'll stay around as friends. Then, surprise surprise, Nathaniel comes over. I was intent on not being awkward and just being myself. So I did. He occasionally had an awkward moment, like when Kevin went to walk the dog, and we were alone. I was acting as if he hadn't basically crushed my hopes (okay, a little melodrama still to be expected), and he took a few moments to get it together. I think I caught him off guard by acting so normal. Well, here's to making him want me. With the working out and weight loss, I'll be hot by the end of summer.

Well

I took the chance and asked him if it was a one time deal or not. His answer, "Yeah, I think so."

I wish I didn't feel so devastated.

Stupid Girl

Honestly, I think I'm just being a big retard about this whole thing. I'm beginning to wonder if that one night two Sundays ago was just that, one night. We went to a party today where he payed attention to me if necessary. He flirted with Paul who he dated for like, a week awhile ago. He sat with Ryan on his lap and seemed pretty pleased with himself. I don't know. Kevin has been absolutely no help recently. He's playing the perfect best friend to Nathaniel and saying nothing one way or the other. So, I have no clue if I should even try or give up. I thought maybe he would want to hang out after the party you know, especially since he drove and had a great excuse... What should I think? God dammit I'm such a retard. I'm clearly not who he wants to be with. I'm not even sure if he really wants to be my friend. I can't read him at all. I chose the dumbest thing to start talking to him on AIM, and he gave a response typical of him. Then I said something else and predicted his response which happened to be the one with the least effort required. I'm debating whether or not I should just flat out ask him.

Should I be?

So, I texted K and N to see if they wanted to go to a movie with some of our friends who had invited me and told me to invite them. I get a response from both of them saying they are in Panacea at the Blue Crab Festival. I'd never heard of the festival, nor the town before. But I'm a little sad that they didn't ask me to come along. I mean, I know they're best friends, and I'm still somewhat new to the hanging out on a regular basis with them. But last night, K did invite me over and cook dinner just so we could hang out before having N come over. Also, I've freaking spent the night in N's bed. With him. So, you'd think one of them would have maybe mentioned it last night while we were watching 300. Maybe I'm just being stupid. I understand that they want to hang out together, but I love road trips, and they do know this. So, it would have been fun to drive down with them and go to a crab festival where they have mullet throwing contests and whatnot. But instead, I'm in Tallahassee...

A Whirlwind Tour

So, I'm back from traveling about 2,000 miles in 5 days. I had a great time, even though I wasn't actually looking forward to it. The homestays were sufficiently awkward and fun. I managed to stay with 3 very rich families with huge houses. All three familes were incredibly nice and tried to provide us with everything they could. Even the bigoted host was nice for the most part, after I awkwardly said that I didn't think his comment was in good taste. Well, I am outspoken.

We sang at 3 churches, 2 Methodist and a Presbyterian church. They were such beautiful singing spaces mainly because they were echo-y and hid our faults! And of all things to see, one of the churches had a long hallway of bulletin boards. Well, one was mostly empty except for these two words--"Youth cock". Yes sir. I am making no joke. Some kid I assume (or a dumb adult...) took letters from the other board and it was freaking funny.

So, other than that, tour boils down to one crazy night in New Orleans. We went to Bourbon street, like ya do, and drank. And danced. And screamed. And sang. And drank more. And then half of us ended up at a gay club that I only learned the name of today. It was called "Parade". Let's talk about the two hours we spent here. I'd had four 24oz hurricanes at this point and I was wild. I made out with as many people as I could. I danced on stage and made 3 bucks from people who shoved their hands down my pants.

While on said stage, I started dancing with E. I whispered (more like screamed over the music!) in his ear that I wanted to kiss him. So, we started kissing, a lot. We made out on stage for 10 minutes, and everyone from our choir saw! Then we got off the stage and went our separate ways. I danced with everyone I knew, kissing a fair few of them. I was up against the edge of the stage with my accompanist. I was in a long line just gyrating with everyone. I ended up between two of my lesbians! I made out with one of them too. (At the end of the night, the kissing count would be 7,lol.)

So, E and I were sitting next to the bar (after I had made out with the shirtless bartender!) when a horny freshman, A, came and stood with us. Well, I made out with him, and so did E. He is an aggressive hid and kept making E uncomfortable. I was talking in his ear and telling him I liked him a lot, and would love to kiss him some more. Maybe more if he was up for it. He said he didn't want to just hook up while we were drunk, so I said that it was fine. So, we went out on the balcony and made out for another hour on and off, talking as well.

At one point, I was straddling him on a bench(!) and we stopped for a few seconds when I told him he was an amazing singer and he said this. "You are an incredibly sensitive kisser. You know when to lead and when to follow. And it's so tender it makes me tingle all over." !!!!! That's an amazing thing to be told. We made out for a long time after that. Then we found my latin lovah and both made out with here, lol. And the three of us walked home holding hands, haha.

So, here's my quandary. I really like N. A lot. I was texting him the whole trip. But I've always had a tiny thing for E, and I acted on it last night. So, I like him too. But now I'm not sure what I should do. I've got two really great guys, both amazing kissers, both really cute, both seemingly interested in me. Now I have no clue what to do. I mean, I've hardly done much with either, and there's no promises yet. So, we'll see. But now it's time to start my summer break!